Your situation is not as bad as you might think.
Just move from USA to South Africa and forget all your worries!
The President´s name down there is Jacob Zuma and he just married his 4th (fourth) wife. The other three are still his wives. Very practical, don´t you think?
Furthermore; what do you think would happen if Zuma in addition has five or six mistresses? Nobody cares and no wife destroys his cars!
Golf is one of the leading sports in South Africa and the climate is very good.
And they have swung their apartheid the other way around, which would give you first priority in every respect. Your mother in law could not bother you any more.
Last but not least: Southafricans may go to Las Vegas as often as they can afford.
So put your smile back on your face and keep swinging. Happy days are here again!